Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
