sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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