Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Randomize
