I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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