he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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