I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There's always time for handjobs
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
