I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
