thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
