She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
