Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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