You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
