If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
