I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
