I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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