If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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