I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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