fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
