new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
