He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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