All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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