I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
