I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
