So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There r osticjed everywhere
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
