what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
