She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
