I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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