My liver just broke up with me...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
