Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
