i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
