I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
