Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
