fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
