question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
