I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
