I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
