Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
