He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
