I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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