I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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