white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
