so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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