soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
