Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
