Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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