Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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