Where did you get a picture of my penis
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
