The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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