saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
