I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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