So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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